Sanity? Well He Can't Have That
by Justa Little Puppy
Summary: A certain vengeful poltergiest must have thought to himself one day, because he certainly did everything in his limited power to take that away. Sabo was never the same. (A random Birthday fic for my dear Sabo ! I love ya! ;D)


**Puppy's Post It: Arf! Happy Birthday Sabo! In honor of your day of birth, which just happens to be the first official day of spring and in my favorite month, here's a birthday fic~ :D And what makes this even more awesome is (Spoiler for da non-manga readers; FLEE YOU PEEPS FLEE DX) the fact you're actually alive, so like, arf arf omg :'D I hope y'all readers like this! And Sabo I hope you like it too :3 Leave a review and you get biscuits and birthday cake btw XP This fic was... well, let's just say it was inspired by a letter fic I forgot the name of. I'm pretty sure it was meant as a joke, but one of the letters had me start writing this, arf arf! Thanks whoever wrote that! XD In any case, it's more or less crackiness with a side of some randomness that is just meant for me to vent out silly thoughts. Arf arf, and what better way to celebrate Sabo other then making a weird fic for him? 8D Just so you guys know, this is like a year after Ace was, well, you know u.u**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, and my love of SAAAAAAABOOOOO~ So like, don't sue me :/**

* * *

"Sabo."

Sabo blinked and turned around. "...?" He was pretty sure he was the only one in the room...

After a while, Sabo turned back around and continued to write in his notebook, something he kept to remember all he saw and did for when he'd write his book.

So far, he had quite a few things down. They were already in the New World at this point, and-

"...Yo Sabo!"

Sabo whipped his head around again. Who was calling him? ...That voice was actually kinda familiar... "...Hello?"

He could've sworn he heard muffled snickering, coming from... Somewhere. He didn't know. Sabo narrowed his eyes, then turned back around and continued writing.

" ..."

The only sound that could be heard was the soft scratch of the quill on the pages. The room lit dimly by candlelight was otherwise silent, beautiful silence that created the perfect atmosphere for-

"SABO!"

"AH WHAT!?" Sabo fell out of his chair from the force of his starting, spilling the ink as he fell over his face.

He sputtered some of the liquid out of his mouth once he finished blinking his uncomprehension, sitting up and wiping it off with his sleeve. Then he glared around him. "Who's there?" Silence.

"..." Was he going insane, or did that voice sound like...? No. No, he was just tired. He was under too much pressure or something. Or maybe staying up late to write wasn't the best thing for him. Sabo sighed and stood up, trotting to his bed and plopping down on it. He just needed sleep...

* * *

"Sabo?"

Said revolutionary's eyes blinked open, and he looked up into the strained looking face of Koala. Strained as in, she looked like she was trying to hold back laughter.

"What did you do to your face?"

"Hm?" Sabo sat up, blinking at her.

"What did you do to your face?" The carmel haired girl repeated, snickering a bit. "Its all..." She made vague gestures at his face, having trouble forming the words around her giggles. "...wr-written on..."

Sabo blinked again, eyes widening in comprehension as he shot up and ran out of the room, leaving a snickering young revolutionary in his wake. Bolting through the dim hallway to an equally dim bathroom, Sabo flung on the light and stared at himself in the mirror.

...Why was there an ink mustache on his face? And an X on his cheek? And a... And that was definitely a penis on his forehead. The hell?!

"Koala!" Sabo cried, still staring at himself in the mirror. "Seriously?!"

Said girl from the bedroom sauntered into the bathroom with barely restrained laughter. "I-it wasn't me!" She snorted, watching as Sabo poked at the inked in scar around his eye. "I thought you did it to yourself!"

"Why would I do that?!"

"I dunno! Hahaha, y-you might want to wash your face in any case...!" Koala snorted and started giggling again when Sabo poked at the little smiley face on his nose, going a bit cross-eyed looking at it.

The blonde muttered something, casting a suspicious glance Koala's way, then he just sighed and wet a warm cloth. He really was going insane...

* * *

Later that day, Sabo and Koala were eating a late lunch together. Sabo chugged his water, deciding it was best to stay sober when he was obviously going nuts. He reached for a roll on his plate... Only to find it not there.

"...?"

Sabo looked around, and to his horror all his food was just... Gone. Disappeared. Vanished. Like not there. "Where the hell's my lunch?"

"In your stomach, like all food within your grabbing distance." Koala said, munching on a piece of her own bread and looking up at him quizzically.

"I hardly touched any of my food though!"

Koala tilted her head and gave him and incredulous smile, eyebrows lifting to her hairline. "Are you sure?" Last time she checked this was the guy who could clean 5 huge dishes of meat in less than a minute if he was trying. And still want seconds.

"I'm sure!"

"Hm." It was clear Koala didn't believe him. Sabo sighed a bit and reached for the rest of his water... To find that empty too.

"WHAT THE FUCK, MY WATER TOO?! HOW AND WHY?!"

Koala just blinked at him.

* * *

Sabo was sitting on the deck of the ship, watching Dragon carefully as the tattooed man prepared to show him a technique he'd been training to learn for years now. It was supposed to be incredibly powerful, and ever since he'd first seen his mentor use it he'd been dying to learn himself. Now, Dragon, being a rather tough nut to crack, was finally going to show him. He was beginning with a demonstration.

"Watch carefully." The revolutionary elder said even though it was unnecessary because the kid already looked like he was about to whip out a pad and take notes.

"See how twist my ankle? It should always be-"

"Um, Dragon?"

Said man gave him a quizzical but somehow stern look. "If you want to learn this I suggest you don't interrupt me, it's a delicate process and I-"

"Yeah but..." Sabo rubbed his eyes which had once been staring at the man intently, now looking above him with a look of complete incredibility. "My hat. Is over your head."

Dragon raised an eyebrow and looked up, staring directly at the hat that indeed belonged to Sabo, who definitely remembered leaving it inside his cabin. Said hat was floating at a jaunty angle over the older man's head, waving a little like it was teasing them both.

After a moment Dragon looked back down at Sabo and tilted his head a bit. "Your jokes dulling or something?"

Sabo blinked at him with disbelief. "You just looked dead at it. My hat is floating above your head as we speak! It's right there!" The blonde stood and stomped over to the raven haired man, tugging his hat out of mid air and shoving it in his face.

"See? Theeeeeeere."

Dragon just looked from the now still hat to the frustrated, to the point of being a bit red face of his young charge. "...No. I don't see. Sabo are you feeling all right?"

Sabo's eye twitched. "It's right here in my HAND. LOOK." He shoved the hat in Dragon's face so he could 'look'. "You see? You see this right? I am NOT just imagining this. This is my hat, which had been floating over your head waving around and hats don't do that."

Dragon blinked and pushed the hand back into Sabo's own face, looking at him with a face that said what drugs have you been doing and how come you didn't share.

"Sabo-"

"You know what? Just continue." Sabo sighed, interrupting him again and stepping back even though he was obviously fuming that Dragon hadn't seen the hat. It was like the insanity was just making fun of him now. Well, he wouldn't let it ruin this chance. Even if it'd been getting harder to ignore the majority of the day. It was really getting on his nerves...

After a moment Dragon just shrugged and got into the stance he had been showing Sabo earlier, twisting his ankle just the right way. "Alright then. You might want to step ba-"

The leader of the revolutionaries made the most unmanly, unleader-ish sound known to man as he fell, twisting unnaturally and landing face first on deck.

"..."

Sabo just stared with bulging eyes. What just happened? He then glanced down and realized his foot had moved (WHEN?) right into Dragon's path, and effectively floored the man just by touching his already carefully strained ankle. And it looked like he hit the ground_ hard. _Sabo blinked at Dragon again.

...Oops.

"Um, Dragon?"

"We're down for today." The man on the floor mumbled immediately. He didn't even try to get up.

"Alright... sorry, about that."

"..."

"I'm gonna go now."

"..."

Yeah... Sabo looked around, then turned and walked off to pretend nothing happened. But he was pretty sure his hat was insane too. It'd always been obediant and—

He paused briefly. Alright that definitely just sounded really insane.

* * *

Sabo sat at his desk, glaring at his notebook. He had a LOT to say to this thing right now. How should he begin...

_I think I might be going insane._

Yup. That was a good way to do it.

_I've been hearing voices lately, in my mind. And also I've been like, drawing on my own face and eating without remembering it. And I nearly killed Dragon and I didn't even remember moving. I don't know what's wrong with me, but whatever it is I'm going to find a cure for this so that I can continue to fight at 100% for the revolutionaries. They might kick me out or something if Im going draw-testicles-on-my-own-face insane. So I have to over come this! Maybe I'll make a spin off novel or something of how I cured my own mental illness when I finish my book. Yeah, I'll do that._

There was a snort behind him. "Mental illness? Is he serious?" A voice laughed.

Sabo twisted his body hard instinctively, pretty sure he was insane but still trying to see the speaker anyway. He choked on the breath he sucked in though when he saw who was behind him, mouth agape and eyes quadrupled in size.

"...Y...!"

"Sabo, you're a piece of work."

"E-eh?" Sabo blinked, even more taken aback if that was somehow humanly possible by Ace's annoyed tone and face.

"I really wish I could beat the crap out of you right now. You were alive. This ENTIRE time. And you let me die thinking that. Great job, seriously. I really like the fact you let me die that way. You deserve a medal, really."

Sabo was still staring stupidly, opening and closing his mouth even though he'd be damned if he could think of something to say right now. Ace took that as a sign to continue ranting.

"I've been trying to throttle you and called you some things even I wouldn't repeat on purpose for the past month now, you know. I fought my way out of the other world just to ask what the hell you've been doing, finally went through the trouble of figuring out how to materialize, too. And what do I find? You sitting and writing in a diary, lounging around and doing crap for... Some mafia organization!"

Wait. Pause. "...Mafia?"

"Almost everyone here has black cloaks on whenever they go out. Mafia is all that comes to mind and that's what it is."

...Can't argue with that logic. But still.

"T-the revolutionaries, and it's not a diary! It's a journal!" Sabo finally managed to sputter to defend himself. He wasn't really sure what else to say, considering his brother's ghost was in his room blacking on him .

"Whatever man. I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life. Butt-truffle."

"Eh?!" He was half surprised by what Ace was gonna do, half by his insult. What did Butt-Truffle even _mean_?

"You heard me! So go on with your life; just know I'm always gonna be screwing your ass, bro." Sabo's eyebrows reached his hairline at that.

"You know what I mean." With that Ace scowled at him and disappeared.

"Ace, wait!" Sabo called, eyes widened.

When he got no reply, he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Well damn. This was a... Strange, for lack of a better word, turn of events. He wasn't sure if he should cry or bang his head on a wall right now. It was his dead brother, for goodness sakes. But at the same time said brother was apparently-

Suddenly an ink pot collided with the back of his head.

"Ow! Damn it Ace was that you?!"

"Possibly." Said an indifferent voice out of nowhere.

"Look, I'm sorry about not telling you! But are you seriously going to haunt your own brother?"

"Yup."

"Ace!"

Clunk!

Another ink pot landed on top of his head, and he glared upwards into the thin air it'd appeared from.

"..."

After a while Sabo groaned, rubbing the back of his head as he slowly turned back around in his seat and picked up the quill.

_...So it turns out I'm actually being haunted by my dead brother. Good thing is I'm not insane. Bad thing is I'm being haunted by my dead brother. For apparently the rest of my life._

He paused. That totally didn't sound insane. Totally.

_I'll never be able to explain this to Dragon. Maybe I really am going insane, and this Ace is a figment of my imagina-_

Clunk!

Sabo sighed as an ink pot hit the back of his head.

_-tion. Or this is some crazy crap happening with the New world. I don't know._

Clunk!

"OW DAMNIT ACE STOP!"

"Stop writing about me being a figment of your imagination. I'm a ghost, baka."

"Same difference!"

Clunk!

"OW!"

_...I need an exorcist..._

Clunk!

_...and a psychiatrist..._

Clunk!

_...and Jesus..._

Clunk!

"GAH! WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL THESE INKPOTS?!"

And that was the day Sabo went utterly and completely insane for a totally valid reason all thanks to his vengeful brother.

R.I.P his sanity.

* * *

**Puppy's Post It: He never did find out where Ace got all those inkpots... lol I do not fully understand why I did this, but I do not regret it XP Arf arf! So what do y'all think? Good birthday present, right? ...Right? *silence* QwQ Well I tried! Wah! But I guess I just felt bad Ace died thinking Sabo was dead (unless Oda somehow had them meet before and isn't letting us know yet o.o), and also this had sort of originally been started from the same idea for a fic I did called Not Alone, so like, I was nice arf :,3 I hope you enjoyed! Review please, and all the biscuits thou shalt wish will be rained upon ye from the heavens ;3 and Happy Birthday again, Sabo! :D *huggles him and gets smacked with a pipe* :,S**


End file.
